I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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