My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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