He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize