I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
