Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
