My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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