Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like a drive thru vagina
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize