party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
