once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
