I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
