I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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