Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
