his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
