I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
