You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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