It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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