around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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