i barfeds in our rink
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
