It's like a parade of train wrecks.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
