and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
