I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
