I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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