Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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