God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
