Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
