Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize