my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
