I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
A+ Viking dick
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
