Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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