in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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