I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
