doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
