Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
