he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
