pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
