I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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