Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I smell stomach acid.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
