I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
