Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
