What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
