i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
