Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize