i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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