I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
