i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
