just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
