Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
