before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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