i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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