good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize