so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
