tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I need a burrito and a hug.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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