It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
