ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
