Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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