last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
