You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
