Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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