Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize