what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
