Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Actions speak louder than pants.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
