I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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