Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
