I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
