Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
