I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
