I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
