I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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