is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
