just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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