i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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