So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
