I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
