Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can text with my tongue
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We need to rekindle our bromance
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
