So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
