Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
