That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
