In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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