oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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