you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
