Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
