last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
