Don't make out with my wife yet
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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