So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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