I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
