He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
