i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
