god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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