I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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