I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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