I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
