He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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