haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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