i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
