A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
