I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
