Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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