There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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