i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
