i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It was confusing and full of hummus
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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