Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
