Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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