is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
